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The Sacred Loving Newsletter February 2007
Greetings from the Northshore of Maui to you all. It's been a while since you've received a newsletter from me, so I thought that the upcoming Valentines day is a perfect time to write to you and give you something fun to do for Valentines day, something that may just make a lovely difference in your life as well, whether you are single or in relationship. And of course I want to update you on the goings on here at Sacred Loving.
I've really come to appreciate holidays because not matter how arbitrary they may be, just by the sheer prevalence of externals, such as hearts in every store right now, like it or not, they seem to have the effect of inviting us to reflect where we are in our lives. Whether your romantic life is soaring or non existent, Valentines day invites us all to look at what is alive in our hearts and to love ourselves no matter what we find there. Whether you are happily single or happily married, struggling in your relationship, dealing with loneliness, or glad to finally be out of a destructive connection, you can live your life with love in your heart.
The below invitations are to serve just that purpose. One is for couples, one is for you alone. And you'll also see an ad for the Sacred Loving Pleasure kit, the lover's sensual tool kit I created, that is full of lovely items to support your intimacy.
Have a happy Valentines Day and I hope you enjoy my ideas for you. Aloha and love, Niyaso
Tantric Valentines Day ritual for Couples
Valentines day is a wonderful opportunity for couples to do something a little more then a romantic dinner, chocolates and red roses. Here is something that will increase your intimacy, enhance your sex life and ignite more love between you.
In my profession as a Tantra teacher I get asked questions that give me the impression that people think Tantra and Taoism teach some sort of high-tech version of sex. But this is not quite true. In reality all the practices of Tantra and Taoism are meant to refine the natural senses, to come closer to nature, to become so attuned to our bodies innate wisdom, that love and ecstasy just bubble up naturally.
The ritual that follows is one way to accomplish this attuning to our bodies' innate wisdom more deeply.
It's called "Be like Teenagers" and it goes like this:
First, create a comfortable setting, light a candle, play nice music, get extra pillows.
Then, have a fantasy date, imagine that you both are teenagers. Imagine you possess all the most positive aspects a teenager can have: innocence, adventurousness, curiosity, playfulness, being daring, being humble, being excited to learn, and most importantly, having no preconceived ideas.
Even if this was not your experience as a teen, use your imagination!
From this frame of mind take turns touching each other.
Both of you, pretend you've never touched before or been touched, be innocent like virgins.
Then start touching. One is the giver, the other the receiver. As he or she is touching, the giver repeatedly asks the following question:
Is there anything I can do that would feel even better? The receiver answers with total honesty, yet with kindness and humbleness and either says: "No this is wonderful!" or describes in as much graphic detail as possible what other touch he or she would like or how the current touch could be even better.
The giver attempts to implement the desired touch exactly as it is described and then checks if it's ok. After a while the giver asks the same question again and so on.
To make this work, when you're the giver, you must agree not to ask: "Why have you never showed me this before?" or "Why did you never ask for this before?" Remember you are teenagers starting out fresh.
No matter how long you've been together, if you can do this with total innocence, you will learn new ways to give and receive pleasure and enjoy a lovemaking that is a mutual surrender to something higher then yourselves.
This little ritual is an excerpt from Niyaso Carter's upcoming audio workshop "Sex for the Soul". We will let you know when it is available.
Valentine's Day Ritual for Singles
Valentines day is a great time to connect with those you love and appreciate and let them know what they mean to you, and it’s also a excellent time to love yourself and deepen your ability to feel love no matter what is happening on the outside. So if you like, try this little homework assignment.
Get out paper and pen or your journal and write in free flow writing any and all answers that come up to the question: "How can I love myself more?"
Let the answers just emerge, just let your hand do the writing, don't' censor, if it doesn't make sense, don't worry. If you like, imagine the answers are coming from your higher self or your angels or guides or whatever you believe in.
Keep writing for at least 20 to 30 minutes. Then take a little break and do at least one of the things that you wrote down.
For example, if you wrote: “I could take a bath with scented oils.” go ahead and do it. Over the next days try to refer to your answers and bring all the good ideas into your life as much as you can.
Celebrate your senses this Valentines Day with
The Sacred Loving Pleasure Kit
 With this lovers tool kit you and your sweetheart can spend endless hours enjoying each other.
For this lover's tool box we've chosen the finest products to delight each of your senses and open your hearts and souls. For those of you who already have the fabulous Secret of Sacred Sex video, you can purchase the kit without the video.
Those of you who have not yet purchased this wonderful video are in for an extra treat this Valentines Day. With this video, you will discover an art of loving that will forever
transform love making into a truly intimate, fulfilling, spiritual experience. This remarkable Tantra video will teach you how to awaken your own natural sexual energy and experience a deeper level of connectedness with your love making partner.
To find out more about the kit, see what people are saying about it or to order CLICK HERE
What's Happening
And here a short note on what’s happening at Sacred Loving.
Niyaso is working full steam on her audio program “Sex for the Soul” which is turning into a 4 CD home workshop with lots of exercises and useful information.
She is available for phone session, in person couples and individual sessions on Maui, and Tantra Coaching vacation packages for Couples.
She will resume teaching in 2007.
To book a session call or email us:
Niyaso Christine Carter
Sacred Loving Retreats, Workshops, Classes, Counseling
Phone: (808) 572-2234
Email: info@sacredloving.net
From Newsletter October 2006
Tips for More Intimacy
I was asked recently, if I had only one minute to give a couple advice about their sex life, and I didn’t know them, what would I say. It took me a while to ponder and here is what I said:
1. Have eye contact when you make love much of the time. See and allow yourself to be seen.
Make yourself vulnerable, yet honor your truth.
2. Be willing to increase your communication about specific sexual details by 100%; what works for you, what doesn’t, and what you wish your partner and you would try. Keep blame out of it.
3. Relax your body when you make love. Slow it down enough so that you can feel your genitals very sensitively.
4. Be willing to experiment with new ways of playing in the bedroom.
5. Make love as often as possible; bring your bodies together. Seek to make love, to create a space of lovingness, each time you connect sexually. Don’t settle for sexual gratification. Let your lovemaking become a meditation of surrender, connection, and deep relaxation. Let your relationship be a journey of learning and growing together.
Excerpt from my upcoming audio program "Sex for the Soul"
.......One of the messages of this program is: Don’t just have sex, make love! Most people, when they hear the words “making love” immediately assume it means having a sexual exchange, am I right? Have you ever really considered why that is? It is because, since time immemorial, sex is one of the best ways that humans have to create more love: in their relationship, in their lives, and on the planet. Unfortunately, the way things are nowadays, having sex doesn’t mean making love. Consciously engaging in the act of creating more love through the sexual act is not what most people think about when they are having sex. The way sex is promoted these days in popular culture presents sex as a means for physical pleasure, excitement, fun, or even social status. Although there is no problem with any of these, the media is inadvertently promoting loveless sex. "Tips for better sex”, “How to have more sizzling orgasms”, “Make sex last longer”, “5 new techniques to Dazzle Your Partner in Bed”-- these are the headlines we see every day on magazine covers. The word love does not appear in any of these.
The second message of this program is equally important: Don’t just live together, make love! So many long- term couples have given up and resigned themselves to a life of companionship, and maybe occasional sex, but there are many easy and some not so easy things a couple can do to bring the spark back to their partnership.
If you want to start today, try one of my Tips for Sacred Sex.
I will let you know as soon as the audio workshop is available. It will give you many more things to work with.
From Newsletter February 2006
Below is an excerpt from my soon to be released Audio Program
"Sex for the Soul"
Easy steps to more intimacy, passion, pleasure & love
A program on Tantra and Sacred Lovemaking
with Niyaso Carter
......... One thing we in the western culture have to realize is that we have been given absolutely no healthy role modeling or education for good intimacy and good sex. If we were lucky enough to have had parents who truly loved each other and had a good sex life as well, that may have helped; but even then you didn’t get to observe how they interacted in their most intimate sphere. And they most likely didn’t talk to you about it.
In contrast, many Ancient traditions had built into their social structure rituals and ceremonies, mostly guided by elders, shamans and the wise, that instructed the young, and provided learning in all areas of life, including the arena of sex and love.
For most of us in this day and age, the only role modeling of love and sex we get is from the romance scenes in movies. And the only instruction is either from magazines or from peers who read the magazines. But magazines and movies are not interested in providing information on healthy sex; their only interest is in making good sales. Movies provide a strong visual imprint and, since it’s the only visual imprint we ever get of intimacy, most of us (and this happens unconsciously) believe that how most movie scenes go, this is how our relating should also go., And most movies pretty much go like this: boy meets girl or man meets woman and they have some wild scary adventures or some sort of drama, and then they end up in bed passionately kissing. The minute the kiss starts, the eyes close and the scene ends. At most we see a bit of moving in the shadows, a few sound effects maybe, but of course we know that they are having a wonderful marvelous passionate time, wordless, effortless. That is what the movie implies. The next scene usually is under the bedcovers the next morning, when all is relaxed and well. Of course more exciting drama follows, but sex is not an area of concern; it’s a rare movie where the man and woman even discuss their sex life at any point.
So that’s what we are imprinted with. It’s a big reason, I believe, why we are so reluctant to put effort and work into our love lives, when we are so willing to work on and put effort into just about anything else. We unconsciously believe love and sex ought to be effortless to be right, never mind the facts; never mind the truth that most people’s reality is not that way.
This imprinting of how sex should look like happens to everyone. In this culture it almost can’t be avoided. But to make matters worse, most boys and young men, due to the absence of healthy material on lovemaking and due to lack of appropriately guided opportunities to explore their sexuality, find an outlet for their inevitable physical urges in pornography, the least loving sex there is.
As a result, the journey toward heartful, healthy, joyful sex is just as much about unlearning as it is about learning. It’s the unlearning of false ideas and beliefs about how sex should happen. And it is about the healing of the wounds and numbness created by these false ways of being.
So if we can be open to the possibility that what we’ve learned about what sex should look like may not actually be what really offers the most pleasure, love and intimacy, then there is room for new openings.
The good news is, our bodies love to make love; and by that I mean our bodies love pleasure and the making, the creating of love through the physical union. Our bodies are designed to make love and they remember how to do it. Making love is the most natural thing on earth. It is what man and woman are meant to do. So no matter what our story or history, if we are willing to listen to our innermost truth, if we are willing to slow down enough to feel deeply into our bodies and hearts, our beings will guide as back to divine love. Then we can once again enjoy all our natural god-given gifts; pleasure, joy, love and bliss. ............
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